“There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” Proverbs 18:24 NIV
I had lunch with a friend recently. We had lost touch (as I began to withdraw from relationships while my mess was getting messier). It wasn’t intentional, I knew we were kindred spirits (and I’m aware that everybody has their own stuff that they are going through, too), so I guess I didn’t want to burden her with more junk.
I texted her at the end of this summer, asking if we could get together for a coffee or something. It had been a few years, and I felt like I needed to fill her in. She was not aware of my going through a divorce, nor that it had been finalized.
As we ate our salads, I filled her in on what’s been happening, and I saw tears well up in her eyes. I felt like I had disappointed her, not trusting her enough to have shared in the first place. We had been close before, meeting weekly for a mom‘s prayer group.
I’m sure she was confused as to how this could have gone on all this time and I had never asked for prayer. I wish I had been able to tell her back then, but the thought was unbearable. It wasn’t because I thought she would judge me, I was just hurting. Much of my reluctance also had to do with hoping my story would be a success story. I was waiting for that happy ending. You know, the Cinderella story! It seemed like it would be a lot easier to share once I got through the trial and had something positive to say, rather than tell about the mess, but I was wrong.
What I’ve learned is that it’s best to share while we’re in the mess. (That’s not to say we shouldn’t be discerning.) We may need encouragement and reminders of God’s unfailing love. We shouldn’t let fear stop us!
I’m not really big on small talk. If I’m going to invest time in a friendship, and vice versa, I want it to go deep, not just surface talk. Anyone agree? Isn’t that when our lives become more rich and full? When we share what’s on our hearts? We miss a blessing when we don’t.
Reach out to someone today. Reach out if you’re hurting. Or, maybe you can be a source of comfort to someone else who is hurting! Either way, you can both be a blessing to each other! Don’t wait. Make that call!
So true! God often sends His strengthening help through a friend. I love Proverbs 28:24, too!
Blessings to you, Michelle! We all need an understanding friend. Thank you for your comment.
I so understand. I used to not want to share. Partly out of embarrassment and partly not to burden another. But I think you are right, we should share. You never know how that might help someone.
Thank you, Cindy. Our walks/hikes have always meant so much to me, as we both got to know each other through sharing our stories. You are a blessing to me!
I relate to this hope which delays disclosure. I wish it had been discernment in my case but I didn’t discern any spirits in those days (1 Jn. 4:1). For me it was mostly the hope that all would be repaired and nobody would know how our dirt. I think it was my pride.
As I read your words I wonder for the first time if the disclosure is part of the discernment of spirits. Perhaps in the act of sharing it is quickly revealed who our true brothers and sisters are.
P.S. I really like the new (or new-to-my-eyes) sub title for this page.
Discernment is important. Some women (who I believed to be friends) could not look past the mess and have snubbed me, Which could have also been reason for me not to share, but I found that true friends will support you, no matter what you are going through. Thank you for your comment.
Totally agree that wanting time to heal all our wounds is a reason for not sharing our hurts. Being judged as a failure in making relationships work is painful. So we keep to ourselves. Missing the blessing of sharing our soul’s deepest injuries is the one thing I regret about past hurts. Thank God for opening our eyes and hearts to caring friends. Proverbs 17:17
So thankful for friends!
I 100% agree!!! I am all for being authentic and that means the bad and the ugly along with the good and for being deep in relationships. I just don’t have time to invest in surface ones at this point in my life (well almost never did lol). Love you girl!!
Thank you for being my kind friend. Bless you!