I have appreciated what Kristin Cary has shared about her four keys to thriving after sexual betrayal. She likes to use analogies to emphasize the serious nature of the injury which happens when a woman is sexually betrayed.
The first and foremost “key” is to “stop the bleeding”.
Her summarized explanation:
You’ve just experienced a head-on collision with your husband. Your wound is serious and you need to get to a place of safety or stability. You’re bleeding out—the broken wrist can wait for now. The most serious wound needs to be dealt with first.
Well-meaning people may have wanted to fix you or your marriage first (the broken wrist) by offering advice, but they often lack understanding of the real issues causing the trauma.
Instead they unintentionally give out blame and shame. Superficial solutions do not replace mortal wound care. (It isn’t a marriage issue, it’s an addiction/affair issue and will require more than a band-aid!)
You may need space in order to feel safe. Take some time to think about and determine exactly what YOU need in order to feel safe. (It may not be the same for you as for others.)
Caring for yourself by finding a person who has been through betrayal—who will speak truth—is vital and necessary for healing.
Trauma causes our brains to suffer—we may not think rationally after such a devastating blow. We are NOT crazy, even though we may have been told we are the problem.
Finding space to get settled again and getting our feet back under ourselves is not selfish—it is caring for yourself. Find someone who can come alongside who understands what you are going through.
Ensuring basic needs of eating, sleeping, and getting exercise is going to help you move forward. Put your own oxygen mask on first—then do whatever you need to do, in order to feel safe again.
#healing from betrayal
#meetingbasicneeds #stopthebleeding #selfcare #devastationfromtrauma
Reachout #battlebuddy #womenssupportgroup