FIXIN’

The summer after turning 18 I met Patti, while working together at camp. The most memorable thing about Patti was her southern drawl—completely unfamiliar and foreign to me, a northern girl. 

Now, after living in the south over half my life, I realized why a little boy asked me if I had a cold. When I replied “No, why?” he wondered why it sounded like I had something stuck up my nose! My “nasal-ness” was as strange-sounding to him as his drawl was to me. 

One southern word I couldn’t get over and have never made part of my repertoire is “fixin”. It seemed “fixin” was a common word in both the little boy’s and Patti’s vocabulary—in fact, every other sentence seemed to include it. 

This word, “fixin” popped into my head as I was reading Hebrews 12:2. 

“ and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, “fixin” our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfector of our faith.”

So a question came to mind—and I’ll ask you the same.

In your daily walk through trauma from betrayal, who/what are you “fixin” on? Are you focused on the past, what’s happened, and what you can’t forget? Are you worried about your future—what decisions to make and what your life will be like, now that “everything’s changed”? 

I can’t think of a more unsettling time than when I was in the middle of the realization of what just happened. I struggled and questioned God, having my own crisis of faith. In a fog, I couldn’t escape. Confusion and chaos loomed in every direction. Persevere? Would someone tell me how?

I’m a little further down the road now, and able to look back with a different perspective. Although going through betrayal is indescribably rough, (no understatement) I now know through it all, Jesus was always there. He never left me. 

We may have our times being frantic and fretful, but Jesus knows. He sees it all, patiently waits for us, and when we’re ready to let him in, He gently, lovingly, restores us to Himself. 

This is my prayer for you—through whatever, and no matter what—you will be fixin’ your eyes on the only one who will never leave nor forsake you. Cling to him with everything you have. May it be so. Amen.