“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His great mercy has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead.” 1Peter 1:3 NASB
Over 12 years I’ve ridden the roller coaster of hope and despair. Each time my husband made a promise to “do whatever it takes to make our marriage work”, my heart would fill with hope. But when I would find evidence that his words were lies, I would drop to the depths of despair. (When this pattern continues to play out day after day, week after week, and year after year, one comes to a place where something else needs to change.) I am reminded of the meaning of insanity: doing the same thing over and over the same way and expecting different results. As I drove to the cabin at the beginning of the summer of 2018, I knew a decision would be made. Do I continue on the same path of insanity or do I stop? What was my next right thing? My plan was to seek God’s will, listen to His voice ONLY and step forward in faith, no matter what direction he was leading me.
Fast forward one year. I was thinking about getting ready to head back to the cabin (it’s nearing the beginning of summer 2019). My divorce was finalized on April 23, 2019. As I look back in time, I ask myself, “Why have you given up your meaningful work? Why are your closets still full of clutter? Why haven’t you made time for your hobbies that you love? Why can’t you come up with a decent meal plan for your family?” The questions could go on and on. The answer to all my questions I concluded was simply this. Self Preservation. Over the years I ran out of energy. I had to conserve everything I had just to stay sane in my chaos. Just to be there for the kids. Just to put on a smiling face for friends and family. Just to act like everything was good and normal when in reality everything seemed to be falling apart.
Today is the beginning of a new chapter. The “man cave” my husband used to spend hours in has had a makeover! No more dark walls. No more dark leather sofa. No more dark walnut blinds, always closed. No more darkness, period! My daughter and I repainted the walls a light gray and put down a new cream rug (with gray and brown speckles to match the walls). In addition, my closet is presently decluttered and organized. I’m getting new ideas for my hobbies. I’m writing again. I’m a bird out of cage and I will pursue God and the gifts he’s given me to love and serve others. It’s a new day! Jesus is my Living Hope, and He is worthy of my worship. Amen!
To anyone out there who resonates with my story, know you are not alone. You are loved, and nothing can separate you from God’s love. He sees what you’re going through. You have a future, a purpose and a hope in Jesus. He helped me and He will be faithful to help you walk through anything you face. You will get through this- I’m here to help you!