When my oldest started second grade in a new school, white polo shirts were the uniform requirement.
Each morning as he came out of his room for breakfast, I noticed his buttons were buttoned all the way up to his chin.
I would say, “Honey, it looks like you’re choking. You don’t need to keep that top button buttoned.”
Did my suggestion phase him? Not a bit!
Logically, he believed if there’s a button and a button hole, they should go together. I couldn’t convince him otherwise!
When we experience betrayal trauma and are pursuing recovery, our brains may feel foggy, but we still think in logical terms.
For example, if a person struggles with alcohol, it makes perfect sense to us they shouldn’t be going to bars.
Likewise, if a person struggles with a sex addiction, they need to avoid places of temptation.
Sadly, this type of logic won’t make sense to a spouse seeped in addiction. What seems sensible to us is irrelevant to them.
In recovery, one needs strategies for healing. One important strategy for achieving success is accountability.
If your loved one is pursuing healing, they will choose to be held accountable. It’s a step towards making you feel safe and offers emotional stability.
If no one is held accountable, behavior will not change. It’s a red flag 🚩that needs to be addressed.