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Debra Wallace

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Many women who’ve experienced trauma from betrayal want to help others who have experienced the same.

There are numerous tools in our toolkits we want to share to ease pain and suffering and promote hope and healing.

It’s good to be educated and to know how to cope with triggers, set boundaries, ground ourselves and practice daily self-care. We need to recognize when we are experiencing gaslighting and other forms of abuse.

But as I’ve been working through my own healing process over the years, I’ve come to realize that the key to my healing is knowing what God’s word says about me AND about God. Once I learn who I am in Christ, everything changes.

If we believe the Bible is true, then if God says I am clothed in strength and dignity, when I begin to believe it in both my heart and mind, my actions follow suit and I stop presenting myself as a doormat for an abusive person.

When I learn God is sovereign and in control, I realize I am powerless to control the situation and I am not God. Checking up on a husband is a trauma response to feel safe and secure again. Over time, this is not healthy behavior. It makes us feel crazy. Instead, when we learn to trust God with it, He reveals truth in His timing.

We can ask for what we need but it doesn’t mean our husbands will comply. We cannot cure them. It is the work of the Holy Spirit, alone, that brings change and repentance.

We often have questions about why the betrayal happened or wonder what we did wrong, or question if we are good enough. Knowing truth about who God says We are, tells us we are deeply loved and nothing can separate us from His love. He has called us by name and redeemed us. And no—we are not the cause of our husband’s issues. His own sin and selfish desires are.

Taking our focus off our husband and choosing healing for ourself is the best gift we can give ourself. There are truths in God’s word to learn and apply when we seek them, daily. We can learn to be equipped to fight against spiritual forces opposing us. We learn to be steadfast in our faith so we are unshakable in the Lord.

This remedy for pain is easily accessible, yet we avoid it. Why is that? Ask God to heal you with His words, then be grateful and amazed at how he will work. God is the ultimate healer, and his words of truth are the balm we need to soothe our wounds of betrayal.

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you may abound in hope.” Romans 15:13

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