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Debra Wallace

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Heard of helicopter moms? 🚁 What about a helicopter spouse? Being a helicopter wife is common behavior for most betrayed women. We want to hover. Ask me. 🙋‍♀️

To be safe, we feel like we need to monitor our spouses whereabouts, 🚙 computer usage, 💻 and who he spends time with. 

We’ve lost trust, so we want to control. Previously we weren’t like this, but now we are. We watch 😳 and monitor, doing whatever it takes so we don’t get hurt again. 

But here’s the thing, being helicopterish is a 24-hour job. ⏰ Keeping up with a self-appointed responsibility like this doesn’t cure 🩹the need to feel safe. It makes us feel crazy, instead. 🤪 

If we find evidence of secrecy, we are disappointed—but justified, and when we don’t find anything, we are always left wondering. 🤔 And a wife should NEVER EVER have to wonder what her husband is up to. It is NOT in our job description to babysit an adult! 🤷‍♀️

So, if helicoptering isn’t working, what’s an alternative? We need to come up with plan B, and my Plan Bee 🐝 is a Safety Plan. 

This is a tool 🧰 for women with husband’s who are repentant, choosing healing, and desire to rebuild trust. ❤️‍🩹 Because marriage without trust is hopeless. I’m sorry, but it’s the truth. 😥

✍️ Begin by writing down what you need (to feel safe). These are things you would like your husband to do, so you are not needing to “wonder”. Do you need him to check in ✅ with you periodically during the day? ☀️ Write it down. Establish a list. 📝 Present it to him. 🎁 

Still sound controlling? It’s not—if your husband is willing to do what it takes to rebuild trust. Pay attention. 🤓 Is he accepting responsibility? Does he keep his word? Is he following through with requests? 

If it’s too difficult for him, this tells you something about his sincerity. 🤥 His action—or inaction—shows his commitment to recovery and YOU. He can either build trust, or not. ➡️ If not, buy a good book 📕 on boundary setting and get to work. More on boundaries, later…

A Safety plan in place is a start, and I am confident—with God’s ✝️ help, you can do this. I’m cheering you on! 😘

2 comments on “Tired of Helicoptering?

  1. Sarah Kelsey says:

    This is great encouragement. Thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Sarah!


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